https://www.gifvi.com/gifs/gifvi-1629972580045.gif?fbclid=IwAR0KjC-PcqttmJ9x-ohkSoN3xziRE0-rt-Ci_59HkktwQd4JQNMchtxN5CI

Pat staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Pat sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Pat woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Pat said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Pat and Mike were walking along a street in London. Pat looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £3.00 each, Trousers £4.50 per pair".
Pat said to his pal, "Mike look at these prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back home we could make a fortune.
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from the country and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Right you are Pat, I'll keep me mouth shut, so you do all the business" said Mike.
They go in and Pat said in a posh voice "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £3.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50 each. And I’ll back up the truck ready to load them on."
The owner of the shop said quietly "You're from the country aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Pat. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."

Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.

🪃

🤣

Get your predictions in by 5pm, when I will be giving the odds.
Good luck

Bring out your dead children and bury them deep,

Give vent to your sorrow cry loudly and weep,

Let blood soak the ground from the grave to the shore,

Then let man worship long, - at the altar of war.

Stain deeply the lands with the souls of the slain,

Ingrained on your hands and ingrained in your brain,

A mad repetition that was practised before,

As man worships long, - at the altar of war.

No end to your madness no end to your greed,

Is it all domination that you crave to succeed,

As poisoned your mind is, as red is your hand,

We are weary of this, - can you not understand.

This World, this great Planet, and the child of your seed,

Is sickened and sad by your slaughtering deed,

And asks that you change and a peace do restore,

So that we and our World, can eradicate war.

No more should the rivers run red with our blood,

No more should these lands be of rubble and mud,

No more should a poison rise up in the sky,

No more!, - should this Planet!, ask itself!. - WHY?.

Mick Westwood

Artist - Léa Roche Spanish Painter.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-58354855 Is anyone else annoyed by this? It's just asking for more bag-snatching etc.

Andrew Michael, who appeared alongside his wife, daughter and son has died aged 61 after a short illness.

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-58356211.amp

... Unfortunately I had to empty my car's boot before I could fill it with garden waste and an old metal ironing board,
On arrival home, I then had to re-fill my boot with what I'd taken out.

Don't ask me what is in there, I haven't a clue but it's back where it was, well maybe not exactly where it was because I don't know what was where! I do know it's all in the boot.

But I can't be the only one - can I?

What have you got in your boot?
Do you know what you've got in your boot?
Should it really be in your boot?

https://www.motorcycle.com/manufacturer/ural-manufacturer/sidecar-boat.html

The Canterbury Belle

Masks are said not to protect us but to stop us spreading Covid to others, of 6 people in my local Co-op I was the only one wearing a mask so what is protecting me from the no maskers ?

😂😳😂

McDonalds runs out of milkshakes amid disruption to supply chain.

When the milk, tea or spuds run out is time to worry?
What would you miss most from your shopping list?

Well, it's happened! The threatened security breach has taken place, although this is probably the first of many and is unserstood to have been caused by Islamic State (IS) .

At the moment (15:18) it's unclear what the casualty figures are, but there will be people who, if they have survived (and continue to survive), will have life changing injuries.

What a world we live in!

There are many people in Afghanistan who have fought for and worked on behalf of our armed forces, people who if they do not get a flight out of that country face death within the next week or so.

It must be so cheering for them to hear that there are people in this country (and some on this forum) who are so concerned about "Johnny Foreigner" coming to this country and perhaps lowering their standard of living and complaining about what they will lose in their life, without even caring that if those people cannot come here they may no longer have a life to live - of any standard.

I find it disgusting that anybody should deprive those on the death list entry to this country with the safety it affords!

click on

I think it’s encouraging news to see vaccinations offered at these large events .

https://news.sky.com/story/covid-19-jabs-are-on-the-line-up-at-reading-and-leeds-music-festivals-12390763

Especially after the rise in cases after two recent events.

The male African Jacana is the primary caretaker, carrying his baby chicks under his wings to keep them warm and safe.

A great invention from an Essex lad

https://www.itv.com/news/anglia/2021-08-25/device-which-stops-blood-in-stabbing-victims-wins-james-dyson-design-award

This is in the national news

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-58322653

At the correct angle and in the correct light, their long wing and tail feathers reveal a prism of rainbow colours.

* Photo by Christian Spencer.

5 weeks ago I booked for a grass cutting, due to come last week but didn't, they rebooked for today - didn't turn up and when I phoned was told he has gone on holiday and is all booked up for next week.
They said they will phone next week if he can squeeze me in, the grass is very long and I am not a happy bunny today.

... Or should that be bear it?

Debate on FB about saying things the other [wrong ?] way round ..... apparently Mary Berry annoys people by always saying pepper and salt, not salt and pepper.
There have been moans about saying bacon & eggs instead of eggs & bacon.
How do you pair things ?

Another Carabao Cup match tonight between West Brom of the Championship against Arsenal.
Get your predictions in by 7.30pm.Good luck

RIP Charlie Watts

I've never thought of myself as a racist but the last week has got ridiculous.
The UK government has paid £114 million to the French government in order to stop illegal immigration since 2015 to June 2020 and in Jul 2021 the UK taxpayer handed over a further £55m to France. Yet more than 800 people were intercepted crossing English Channel yesterday. Channel migrants will keep coming, a French police chief warned on Thursday, as numbers for the year surged past 10,000.
Has the time come to immediately put them on a plane back to France? The french have our money and therefore need to sort this problem.

He talks a lot of sense

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRj9shk1/

Click on

This is our first League Cup match to predict. I think it's still called Carabao Cup.
Barrow are from League Two (old 4th division) versus Aston Villa of the Premier league. Aston Villa will probably use their reserve team and youth players.
Get you predictions in by 7.30pm for the 8pm kick off.
Good luck

I would like to recommend the new medical news feed Derek has sourced for the loop "Public Notices".

A GP in Burnham, Bucks, collates a weekly email for his patients covering the major medical news stories from the past week. Derek receives a copy and is now posting it, for the wider community, in Public Notices.

I think it's a useful read, and among other things, provides a helpful overview of the continually changing topics of Covid-19 and vaccination.

https://www.scooploop.com/thread/this-weeks-message-from-the-doctor

Are we ready?

Will members watch?

Still in Tokyo with an eight hour time difference .

It won’t take over the tv this time.

Crime in multi-storey car parks.

That is wrong on so many different levels. 😂

You have up to 7pm to get your predictions in. Kick-off 7.45.
That matches being chosen are the later or evening matches televised by Sky or BT featuring Premier League teams.
Good luck

... Maybe!

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/queen-plans-legal-fightback-after-24811016.amp

Today's match kicks off at 4.30pm so predictions need to be in by 4pm.
I will publish the odds of your predictions at around 4pm.
Good luck.

Feeling a bit off colour so have done a lateral flow test which was negative. I hate doing them.

My son made me laugh about testing. He said he knows when his brother is doing a test because he goes into bathroom and shuts door. After a couple of minutes there's the sound of violent retching, then silence, then violent sneezing. If he doesn't hear anything after about 20 minutes then he knows the result was negative 🤣

Could this be an answer?
More than 3,000 people were recorded sleeping rough in London during the third lockdown between January and March this year. 200 pods will apparently cost less than £47,000 to build.

https://www.timeout.com/london/news/pod-homes-with-5-a-week-running-costs-are-being-built-for-londons-homeless-063021?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&cid=~london~natsoc~facebook~echobox&fbclid=IwAR1xmoY4JRI7sB4M0xdnovHytT_fx4k7bBHPXWmWwBkr9IZlHvfXD5-yItk#Echobox=1629107948

It appears whilst we now swear less, the words people use , or are more popular have changed.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/20/bloody-loses-its-place-atop-swearing-lexicon-as-british-use-of-expletives-falls

‘when we are lost for the right words we swear’ 😡

Kick off is at 5.30pm so get your predictions in by 5pm.

Absolutely dreadful

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9912965/VIDEO-Orthodox-Jewish-man-punched-face-passer-racist-attack.html

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-58289893

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

https://www.autotrader.co.uk/content/news/mandatory-speed-limiters-on-uk-cars-from-2022