A simple guide to USB cables

Hi
Do any of you know of a programme which will automatically add any text copied to the Windows clipboard to a text file, one after the other?
I sometimes want to gather bits of text from various documents, websites and so on into a single plain text file.
I would have thought that there would be lots of utilities to do this but I can't find anything suitable.

XD

...inside the box, Schrödinger's cat plans its revenge.

We're Recruiting

Magnum IPA Sloshed Solutions Ltd are looking to expand by taking on some new staff. If you think you can fill any of the following roles, please contact us.

E-commerce consultants

(3 months, extendable to 12 years)

Experience in e-commerce not required. The successful applicant will have no experience of any of the following: commerce, computers, the internet, good taste. A lack of design skills and a fixation with style over content will also be important. You should have current experience in gross over-charging and hoodwinking scrupulous clients. You will work with a bunch of other opinionated irritating w*nkers, constructing a series of web-pages with as many broken links and loose ends as time and money allow.

Bullshitter

(3 month contract)

Bullshitter required. You will have at least three years experience of doing jobs for which you have no skill or aptitude, ideally in a Unix environment. Skills to include bullshit, ideally to politician level, and waffle in a technical capacity. Arse-covering skills will be an advantage. CBE (Certified Bullshit Engineer) qualification essential.

Liar

(6 month contract)

You will be working for a prestigious, high-profile company. You must be able to claim a degree with first-class honours, preferably from Oxford or Cambridge, and own a car which (although impressive) does not actually exist. You will also be required to make up stories or explanations on the hop, so experience of police work will be considered favourably. Ties and/or certificates are provided to add convincing "colour" to the successful applicant's statements.

Unix Guru

(Rolling one month requirement)

Candidates must have at least three of the following qualities:

a stupid and unusual hairstyle with goatie beard

fashion taste which stopped somewhere in the mid-60's

a lifestyle quite unlike anyone else

a habit of wearing sandals with or without socks.

The ideal applicant will also have a Californian accent. Unix experience not essential, but some keyboard skills may be useful.

Inexperienced timewaster wanted

(urgent contract)

Candidates (under 21 years of age) must be able to fill out at least six pages of a C.V. with claims of experience and knowledge totalling a minimum of 150 years. In addition, they must also be able to claim involvement with hobbies which nobody in their right mind could possibly fit into a lifestyle which included, for example, sleeping or eating. The successful applicant will have no real skills in any category whatsoever, but candidates will be considered providing they do not know anything about C++ programming or Project Management.

Destruct testers required

(3 month contract, extendable to 6 months)

Clumsy, careless oafs of a naturally foolish nature must demonstrate their ineptitude with several, briefly-held, positions. The successful candidate will be asked to break something during the interview, preferably in a way which the interviewer will never have thought possible or remotely likely.

Scapegoats

(One month contract with bonus on completion)

Conscientious and hardworking individual. Experienced in customer support and maintenance, you will have several demonstrable skills which can be used to show why the interviewers were right to employ you, coupled with a complete lack of awareness regarding arse-covering. You will work with a close-knit team of temporary contractors and will travel from project to project tasked with the job of tidying up the loose ends to ensure customer acceptance and satisfaction.

Timewasters, timewasters, timewasters

Six timewasters are required for an urgent contract in the Far-East of Scotland, to start immediately. Skills must include six months coffee machine, three months photocopying and general administration and a minimum of one year "between assignments".

Unskilled slapheads

(6 month contract)

Must have own suit (preferably brown). Own desk, and hatstand is provided for suitable applicants. >Lazy good-for-nothing with multiple chronic illnesses sought to assist busy, interfering manager. Must be idle and shiftless. A bad memory and/or dyslexia will be advantageous.

Noxious beancounter required

Must interfere constantly and construct meaningless lists of serial numbers and other pointless documentation. Numeracy/Literacy not a requirement, but an interest in trainspotting is essential. Bad-breath and BO advantagious. Contract is for an initial three months and may be extended indefinitely.

A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round

the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and

says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".

The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and

takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the

customer, saying "That'll be $5000". The customer pays and walks out

with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper. "That was a very

expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did

it cost so much?"

"Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well

worth the money".

The tourist looks at the monkeys in that cage. "That one's even more

expensive - $10,000 dollars! What does it do?".

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object oriented programming,

Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff".

The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a

cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000. He gasps to

the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together!

What on earth does it do?"

"Well, I don't know if it does anything, but it says it's a contractor."

In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices.

So I have listed -- from lowest to highest in order of prestige -- and described the 10 most commonly used job titles in a data processing shop.

A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions...usually all at the same time.

10. Programmer:

This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of the Programmer's time is scheduled for testing. Another 50% is spent filling out time cards and progress reports. Any time left over is spent attending classes on technologies that will never be used in the shop.

The Programmer is appraised on code quality and reliability. Never has time to write any. Hopes to, someday, be promoted to Systems Analyst.

9. Systems Analyst:

The Systems Analyst refuses to code anymore. Designs new systems. Writes specs for new systems. Devises procedures and work flows for new systems but ends up training users on how to get by with the old ones. Next in line for Team Leader position.

8. Team Leader:

A Team Leader manages one project. Doesn't know why he's not called Project Leader; that's what he has on his resume.

7. Project Leader:

Manages several projects at once. Analyses Gantt charts from the Team Leaders' projects. Co-ordinates schedules from the Team Leaders' projects. Monitors deliverables from the Team Leaders' projects. Has absolutely no idea what any of the Team Leaders' projects are about. Wants to be a programmer again.

6. Operator:

The Operator wields powers that the Project Leader can only dream about. Makes Programmers beg for tape drives. Makes Analysts beg for disk space. Makes Team Leaders beg for printouts. Has an uncanny understanding of career potential in the data processing industry.

Going to law school at night.

5. Systems Programmer:

Even an Operator wants to be a Systems Programmer. A Systems Programmer has the authority to wipe out disk packs without warning. Crash the system during user demos. Make new releases appear, then disappear, then reappear again, especially during month-end processing.

4. DBA:

No one really knows what the Database Administrator does, and no one is smart enough to know if the DBA is doing it or not. But every shop must have one DBA, because no place can afford two of them.

3. Manager:

The Manager is sometimes called a Director. Or an Assistant Vice-President. Or an Account Manager. Has completely lost touch with any facsimile of technology. Wants to finish next year's budget. Wants to finish last year's appraisals. Wants to learn the names of some of the Programmers. But instead, only has time to interview job applicants, especially DBAs.

2. Department Secretary:

The Programmers have word processing. The Managers have electronic mail. Everyone has automatic phone messaging. This leaves the Department Secretary with all kinds of time to manipulate, control and dispense the three most basic employee needs: paycheques, rumours, and supplies. Can make copier self-destruct just by going to lunch.

1. Contract Programmer:

A Contract Programmer doesn't have to wear a nice suit. Or go to meetings. Or fill out time cards. Or keep complaints to himself. He can make all the mistakes he wants. He doesn't get benefits. He doesn't get training. He doesn't get respect.

But after years in the trenches, the Contract Programmer will finally achieve the ultimate goal in the profession: He will be able to make impossible deadlines with inadequate resources for desperate managers by putting in all kinds of extra hours... and will be paid overtime for every one of them.

Source: xkcd

I know this is another engineering discipline, but I think we can sympathise with the UPS maintenance engineers in the following... (Found on Facebook.)
.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

xd